tonight i'm going to dance for all that we've been through ♥

o1. i miss the way you drive me crazy. i miss the way you play devil's advocate like nobody's business. i miss the way that we argued over the deep, philosophical issues, but also the way that we argued over utter nonsense, and the way you made me laugh. you always kept me on my toes. i'm also intensely curious as to where you'll be in ten years. i'll see you soon. SCIENCE AND AUTOCORRECT AND FRIENDSHIP

o2. i thought i had it all figured out, but then you walked in and everything changed. suddenly i don't know anything anymore. all i know is that i want to know you better. PERFECT STRANGERS

o3. where would i be without you? you've been there literally since day two, and we've seen the craziest things happen together. someday, someone's going to realize that you're absolutely lovely—because you absolutely are. and i promise that i'll be around to say "i told you so" and remind you that sometimes things don't work out only because there really are better things in store. lifelong friends are few, but i know that we're for real. 092008D2P5MPM1D1

o4. if there ever was someone who could pass as my twin, in every sense, it would be you. you understand me so completely in a way that no one else does, because we're two sides of the same coin—we are both fighters to the core. you've always been there for me, and you know i will always be there for you. if the concept of soul sisters did exist, i think you would be mine. also, you're a fabulous writer. MAKER OF MEMORIES

o5. wow, i'm sorry. we fought over the biggest thing, and i still don't know if i would have done it differently, but i'm sorry for the way it ended. i miss the simplicity we had before it all happened, because at one point in time we really were best friends. don't you think i ever forgot. you saw me through the worst; you know my story in a way no one else does. looking back on the past few years, all my best memories are filled with you. wherever you are, i hope you're having the time of your life. OUR HAPPY ENDING

o6. my dear, you are talented, intelligent, brilliant, hilarious, charming—and can absolutely do so much better. BEST INTENTIONS

o7. what is with us? i don't even know. no words can really capture who we are to each other. when we talk, we stumble and we trip over words because we can talk about everything and nothing—forever—and still feel like we haven't said it all, or said enough. i get bored easily, but you never bore me. you've changed me more than anyone else, ever. and after all the pain we put each other through, it sounds crazy, but i wouldn't change a thing. i hope we'll always be able to say hello. INDESCRIBABLE

o8. can i just be you? seriously. i don't know how you walk around being so perfect all the time, but i want to do it too! RED LIPSTICK

o9. i couldn't pick you out of a lineup. i wouldn't know it was you if you walked past me on the street. but i know what makes you laugh; i know your hopes and dreams, and i know that you're walking the line. just knowing that you're out there brightens my day sometimes. i love that we watch the same sky. i know that we didn't meet by chance, and i know that it's been forever since we last saw each other. but to me, you're more than a memory, and i can see it now. OFF BY HEART

1o. you're wonderful. you made things change; you taught me that i can do better. you taught me that i deserve better. you taught me that chivalry is alive. you do it right. i don't know what the future holds, but all the time i think how lucky i am to have you in my life; right here, right now. PUZZLE PIECES

Light

After this, I know something needs to change.

I look at the world and how it so easily accepts what is evil, declaring evil things to be okay because it has become the norm. Then I look at God, and I am reminded how as Christians we are called to reject the world; to turn away from it and be set apart; to fight the good fight and stay away from evil. To not give in.

And I know it's not easy. The strong stumble. I stumble. I've been hypocritical and I've given into the things of this world on more than one occasion; ignoring the call of the one that has always been right there, waiting for me to see the light. And I realize now that I can't give into the world anymore. It took the darkest night for me to see that I cannot take a sunrise for granted.

The way I see it, if Jesus could sacrifice his life for me, I can sacrifice worldly desires. I realize now that there is no way that I can settle for anything less; I can't live like the world anymore.

"Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship. ² Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will" - Romans 12:1-2

I can't pretend that it's my own strength or my own will that makes me righteous, though, because I know that I am not strong. I depend on the One who is my strength when I am weak; who has always been there to hold me up when I fall. "For when I am weak, then I am strong." - 2 Corinthians 12:10

And it's a humbling thing to realize that Christianity isn't about being proud of what you can do; it's about being strong enough to admit that we are weak and we need the help of someone greater than ourselves. It's about a change of heart. I'm not perfect; I'll never be perfect. But I know someone who is. 

And the way this is speaking to me right now is scaring me, but I'm no longer going to shut my eyes to it. If this is where I am meant to be, if I am meant to reach out and help, then it is God who is changing my heart and so He can use me as His instrument, to set me on fire and let me be a light in the darkest world.

This is for the one whose love transcends all.
And this is for you.

Let not the things of this world ever sway me.

Ordinary Day

     She watches the world carefully through the transparent box of a bus shelter. The rain washes over the pavement and the streets are full of people rushing to some place or another, the city sounds blending into a distant background hum. ‘It has been the longest day,’ she reflects. It was the same routine day after day: stay up late to do homework, wake up early to face the day, attempt to find amusement in the unamusing and do it all over again later. It was like living a song on repeat. Strangers avoiding the rain duck into the shelter, crowding her into a corner. She gazes with them, waiting; watching.

     The raindrops start to fall harder, torrential sheets coming down from the pointed roof of the little box. She is transfixed by the display momentarily, watching the raindrops find their way to the ground from somewhere so high up. Winter inhabits the universe from December onwards, bringing the snow and cold. ‘Today is different,’ she realizes. She had not seen a rainstorm in many months.

     The music from her iPod skips suddenly to a Taylor Swift song. There’s something ‘bout the way the street looks when it’s just rained. She can’t help but want to smile as she realizes just how strange it is. As the sun peeks out from behind a storm cloud, she looks off into the distance, realizing just how long it had been since she has seen the streets this way. Everything glows. The skyscrapers seem to radiate back warmth and familiarity as they rise up to meet the sunshine fighting to illuminate the world. The day is no longer ordinary, no longer routine, and she finds herself unable to place why. All she knows is that in a few moments of glimpsing the familiar, everything has changed.