Nine(teen)

13-year-old me thought she had the world behind her
And thought she knew what she held dear
She never anticipated the storm to come

14-year-old me walked in the door with big expectations
Bright smiles, unguarded eyes
For the first day of the rest of her life

15-year-old me was a dreamer
And just like all other 15-year-olds,
She fell for all of the illusions

16-year-old me thought she had all the answers
And thought she knew what would last forever
Only to find that she would miscount the stars

17-year-old me had her illusions shattered
And watched the dark skies many nights,
Starless—lightless; a little bit hopeless

18-year-old me asked a lot of big questions
And set her dreams on fire with the challenge
For the world to watch them burn bright

19-year-old me knows how little she truly knows
Staying up all night, wide awake and dreaming
About the revelations of tomorrow

Of Dragons and Dreams

But maybe I don’t need any saving.

Every little girl wants to be a princess; to be cherished, to be loved. But not every princess is a damsel in distress, and maybe I refuse that fate. Maybe I don’t need you to come rescue me, and maybe I don’t need you to lead me. I want you to walk beside me and listen and speak and wonder with me. I want you to ask me big questions and challenge me; I want you to change my mind. I want you to hold my hand and spin me around in the wildest dance—but I don’t want you to lead me, because I don’t need a knight in shining armour.

I want you to be a hero, but I don’t want you to be my hero. I want to be my own saviour. I don’t need to be swept off my feet and carried off into some sunset, and I can slay my own dragons, thank you very much—because you know what? I love bows and twirly skirts and polka dots, I’m afraid of spiders, I cry at the drop of a hat, I dream like I mean it and none of those things make me any less capable; none of those things makes me weak.  

So, Romeo, you can indeed be the prince and I’ll be the princess, and together we'll write the greatest love story—but I’ll be my own heroine, because this princess doesn’t need any saving. 

Staring Contests

“The power of a glance has been so much abused in love stories, that it has come to be disbelieved in. Few people dare now to say that two beings have fallen in love because they have looked at each other. Yet it is in this way that love begins, and in this way only.” 

                                                                                 - Victor Hugo 


i am not above stolen grins 

and obliging the occasional reckless desire

anything to capture your attention

i just want to be in your atmosphere.

i never thought that it would come to this—

goes to show what i know.

first chance, one glance

unexpected; out of nowhere

never could i have seen it coming

goes to show what i know.

i thought it would be just once

but you proved me wrong

whether better or for worse,

it goes to show what i know.

it's not quite like me to do this

it shakes me right out of my safety net

to meet your eyes, straight-on

staring me down; a challenge?

and the question

i am afraid to ask 

this is more than the other side of the door

and more than i could have fathomed

circumstance will decide our fate—

in time

so—

dear stranger with the tentative smile,

and the bold searching stare 

thanks for turning my world upside down 

the only thing i know now is that 

i don't know anything at all

you are the best thing

that isn't mine

yet.

waiting

is going to be 

the hardest part.

for now,

i will continue

to be your best-kept secret

A Challenge

The world does not understand this choice.

They trivialize it, and it is tempting to listen.

It would be easy to give in; it is an undeniable weakness.

No one ever said that it would be easy to answer to the call.

Thinking of the memories; wishing to take them back,

Trying to justify what never should have transpired.   

It isn’t worth it, no matter how it may seem in the moment;

Not when the result is waking up to feel regret.  

She is imitating fire on a stage commanded by the world, 

yet for an audience of one.

She is not a pretender, but the line is becoming blurred.

Alluring beauty draws her close under false pretenses,

But she knows that if she does not resist, she will only end up burned.

Perhaps it would be simpler to stay in this temporary home,

To ignore the one voice that is always there, waiting patiently.

But if she were to push it aside now,
what fate would that spell for the future?

If it is going to be done, it may as well be done right.

It’s just not negotiable.

It isn’t a choice that she can make.

It’s a test of character; one that has been thrown at her before.

However, this time she won’t fail.