Fourth Year Revelations

You know, first-year me thought that I would be sufficiently educated by now. First-year me thought that fourth-year me would definitely have this whole life thing all figured out. I’ve found that no one ever truly does.

I won't miss midnights spent in Middlesex College, but I will miss MC 105A. I won't miss the exams and the balancing game and the impossible assignments and the structures that don't exist outside of your mind, but I will miss the beauty of mathematics. I will miss Western. I will miss home.

For the last time, here’s a sardonic listicle on what the university experience taught me about people and places and finding independence (and even a little bit of math).

I dedicate this one to my fellow 2016 grads.

~

o1. Be invested in the people around you. If you have to spend so much time with them, you might as well enjoy their existence.

o2. Numbers without narrative are not insightful.

o3. It is far better to be fake-polite than genuinely rude.

o4. You honestly just cannot avoid linear algebra.

o5. Sometimes, the trade-off is your pride for your sanity. Choose wisely.

o6. Sometimes you can just rephrase the same wrong thing in a different way, and it will work.

o7. Stop asking your female friends when they will get married or pregnant. They are more than their reproductive organs. 

o8. People genuinely want to see you succeed. And if they don't, you need new people in your life.

o9. Data is rarely organized in nice little tables that enable you to run nice little SQL queries on it.

1o. You really can’t go wrong with eggs, fruit, cardio and coffee.

11. But goldfish crackers make everything better.

12. Everything is either linear algebra or a form of the Heat Equation.

13. The kind of people who need to worry about being socially eloquent are not the ones who are worrying about it.

14. There is never going to be a moment when you realize that you are, indeed, an adult. It creeps up slowly.

15. You truly are never going to please everyone, so prioritize.

16. You really can't just cut off the top of your data set to fit the narrative. Keep your data scientists accountable, friends.

17. You cannot ask someone else to care about their own life. It is a choice that they must make for themselves.

18. Avoid the temptation to start with a for loop. Make your code run right just once first. Am I the only one with this problem?

19. You can't even eat canned food if you don't have a can opener.

2o. There should exist a grocery store for single people.

21. Always send PDFs.

22. You are harder on yourself than anyone else is.

23. But seriously, don't try to build a 60,000 timestep Monte Carlo simulation the night before it's due.

24. You can write anything you want in terms of Fourier series.

25. Sweatpants are still kind of really not okay.

26. The real world is not a meritocracy!

27. You are more credible if you write in LaTeX, even if you're actually wrong. (I write this as I sit in MC105A at some ridiculous hour, LaTeXing a numerical analysis lab which may or may not just be wrong.)

28. People write the most when they're at their saddest.

29. Stop talking about how busy you are all the time. It makes you a boring person.

3o. Buying someone coffee is the cheapest way to get a mountain of advice.

31. Good ideas get better when articulated successfully.

32. Don't take Costco for granted.

33. One day, people will start asking you for advice, because they think you know what you're doing, even if you don't. 

34. To my mentor: you have been extraordinary, and I promise to pay it forward.

35. Learning mathematics first will make you a better coder later on.

36. If you're going to learn to program, don't start with MATLAB.

37. Don't take anything from strangers while walking downtown in a major city. Nothing good comes out of it.

38. And while you're at it, stop being so damn trusting of people in general.

39. Despite what they told you in first year, object-oriented programming is not always better.

4o. Develop an appreciation for Numpy.

41. Your professors have hearts. It might be hard to tell, though.

42. Just because you grew up in the church doesn't mean that you have to take everything it preaches at face value. Think critically.

43. Don't you dare call yourself "pro-life" if you don't care about the life of the mother in question. (P.S. I am pro-choice and I'm not sorry)

44. Cruise ships are miserable places. They are the closest things to modern day slavery.

45. A good coat of mascara makes the girl.

46. Strong female role models are a necessity, but that's not to undermine the value of a good male role model. Everyone has something to teach you.

47. Sometimes, all you need is to spend a weekend drinking delicious overpriced coffee and reading in a sunny room.

48. You would be surprised at how far you can get just by asking nicely.

49. Computer science is about writing code just as much as mathematics is about adding large numbers a lot of times very quickly. (i.e. Not at all.)

5o. If there are norm functions involved, you can probably just proceed formally. (i.e. Manipulate symbols until you've proved your theorem.)

51. Of all the things in life that are mediocre, love should not be one of them.

52. Someone else's success does not diminish your own.

53. Keeping in mind, however, that we cannot all be heroes.

54. "Bounded" is not a real word outside of the math world. Books are not bounded; they are bound.

55. PSA: The man's name is pronounced "oil-er." 

56. The goal is not always to do the most things. It is to maximize the number of things which you can do well.

57. Lightning has to strike somewhere.

58. Don't aim for creativity. Aim for curiosity, and creativity (and inspiration) will follow naturally.

Kevin

dear, friend -- if i may,
i know it's been a long while since we've spoken
since a hello has crossed this space
but i, i have never thought of you in any other light

dear, friend -- i thought of you last week
walking along the harbour, where we used to watch the ships
and you would tell me about how you wanted to be part of them
a traveller, adventurer -- hero, as the ones who came before

friend, you called me the night you made your choice
and told of the way your sister cried, and your mother screamed,
and your father somberly said he admired your bravery
and i, too, cried -- and screamed -- and did all i could to change your mind

and friend, i think of you, watching the same sunrises
but from greater heights and deeper depths and further plains
about your laughter across the miles, and the way you never let on about
that weight that you carry on your shoulders so effortlessly

and i, i will forgive you every time that you miss a coffee date
and i will understand, every holiday when you don't come home
because you're busy out there wandering the country and keeping it safe

they, they will call you comrade
and one day, i'm sure of it, they will call you commander
but i, i will always call you "friend"

thoughts from a spring 2016 grad, on the rest of our lives

It's been a while.

I go through phases. When I'm sad, I write poetry. When I'm wistful, I write poetry. When I'm inspired, and excited, and motivated, I don't write poetry. This is definitely not poetry. 

Right now, I am one month into the last term of my education, ever. 

I'm not sure whether my motivation stems from my upcoming move into industry, or the amazing applied mathematics class I'm taking this term, or just my excitement to graduate. But I can say this for certain: I've never been more excited about what I do. 

I suspect that I am burnt out from struggling to learn theoretical math. I have spent the past four years learning about a world that doesn't exist outside of your mind, and it's an incredible (and incredibly hard) thing. 

I have spent midnights in Middlesex College, wandered campus at four o'clock in the morning, been brought to tears of frustration over impossible problem sets, almost honors-failed a class, changed my career path four times, and spent too many hours in a certain professor's office asking for life advice. 

And I would completely, really, truly do it all over again. 

I have developed an immense respect for mathematicians, and an appreciation for the art of math. Despite it all, I have loved majoring in math. 

But I am also excited to start applying my education to real-world problems. I'm excited to apply math.

I remember the nervous energy in the air on the last night of my summer internship as all these bright young kids sat around a fire on a warm night to celebrate and talk about the rest of their lives, and that feeling has stayed with me.

 Today, I still feel like I'm on the verge of the rest of my life.

Help Wanted

            “So, Caroline. Why don’t you start by telling us about yourself?”

I sip my vanilla soy latte, taking a moment to carefully construct my answer. “Well, I’m Carrie. West Coast born and raised, but I’m always following opportunities for personal and spiritual growth. I’m a born marketer and a creative free spirit, with a passion for all things digital and social media. Especially social media,” I smile brightly.

The blonde interviewer—Amy? Annie?—with the French manicure smiles encouragingly. Nailed it.

“Alright, Caroline. It’s a pleasure to meet you. Carousel Media is very excited to be interviewing you for this new position within our company. Now, can you elaborate on what part of the Digital Content Strategist role speaks to you, particularly at Carousel?”

I nod confidently. I am poise. “Yes, of course. Carousel Media is a company with a proven track record of excellence and high standards. I read about your recent decision to do away with the sandwich shop in your staff cafeteria and only source organic, vegan options for the new kale bar—I love that. Kale is my favourite food!”

The Lucky Ones

so the eight month countdown begins
in the city of skyscrapers
so tall that the neighbourhood sidewalks
have never felt sunlight—only summer rain,
and the finest of Canadian winter snow
along with the pounding of everyday footsteps

"show me maps which show me the way home,"
he says to no one in particular, just another
in the city of wanderers
alive with seventy-six languages
telling 2.65 million stories, all of which
can be found in the same great book—our book

she finds laughter in the smile of the stranger
at the fruit stand by the stucco apartment, found
in the city of chances
(it's smaller than you would think)
taken on a whim, inspired by stories passed down
and sometimes just the spark of desperation

he sees every tearful airport goodbye
(and sometimes the more tearful hellos)
in the city of reunions
by coincidence or chance? set against a backdrop
of once-upon-a-time strangers falling in love
in the bars of basements and rooftops alike

she listens to a cacophony of hopeful ideas,
the excitement spilling over onto sidewalk adventures
in the city of genius
often found in glass-housed workshops on the 59th floor,
but also alive in the spaces between
in the moments separating the words thought and spoken

as for me? you will find me, listening
just another, eavesdropping in quiet wonder
in the city of storytellers
recounting tales in Queen Street coffee shops
filled with the soundtrack of our heartbeats—
us, the luckiest of the lucky ones

Third Year Revelations

Third year taught me about some calculus on funny (non-existent) shapes, and how to draw passable pictures for topology real analysis, but mostly, it taught me to not to take myself so seriously all the time. I have found that things like to fall together exactly when you think they've just about fallen apart. 

o1. Good things come to those who wait... and those who bang their heads against the right walls for long enough.

o2. Perils of being a math major: chalk dust. It will get on all your black clothes, no matter how hard you try.

o3. Sometimes it just takes one. To my mentor: I probably wouldn't still be a math major without your unending patience and support. Thank you for seeing me through, and for always putting more faith in my abilities than I ever did.

o4. Having biweekly episodes of self-doubt and crises over whether you're pursuing the right degree are more normal than you would think.

o5. People are most beautiful at their most vulnerable.

o6. The world actually doesn't revolve around abstract algebra, contrary to not-so-popular belief.

o7. The most interesting things are those that confound you. These are the things that capture the imagination.

o8. Plausible deniability is always your best bet.

o9. People are usually pretty friendly if you ask them for help. Everyone likes to feel that their expertise is needed.

1o. If you're going to prank call someone, don't put your name in your voicemail message.

11. In the toolbox of abstract algebra, the First Isomorphism Theorem is the hammer.

12. And in the toolbox of analysis, it's the Triangle Inequality.

13. You will never, ever regret being a little bit braver.

14. Learn to laugh at yourself.

15. If you've got nothing else interesting going for you, name drop algebraic geometry whenever possible.

16. Learn to accept a compliment gracefully, and it will take you far.

17. People are always more open-hearted after midnight.

18. Sometimes the best way to deal with your problems is really just to pretend that they don't exist. Sometimes they just change, but sometimes they go away.

19. If you're feeling relaxed, you probably forgot about something that is due... tomorrow.

2o. Everything is more beautiful at night. But if it's still sparkly in the daylight, then you know it's for real.

21. Find the people who will walk with you, even if you don't know where you are going or where you will end up.

22. The stereotypes about mathematicians are stereotypes for a reason. (That's not always a bad thing, though.)

23. There is something beautiful about sitting in a darkened room by yourself.

24. Post-midnight driving, feeling like you're all alone in the world with nothing but the stars and city lights, makes you feel like you're on top of the world.

25. The ones who matter are the ones who will celebrate with you over your successes and hurt with you over your tragedies, and likewise.

26. Don't follow emotions; follow truth.

27. Hurting does not mean that you are sitting around feeling sorry for yourself. It means that you cry and scream and do whatever it takes, and then you get out there and love people in spite of it.

28. There's always going to be someone who is suffering more than you. But still—your pain is no less justifiable; your pain is no less real.

29. If you find someone who can see through your mask and your feigned happiness and call you on your made-up disguises, don't let them walk away.

3o. You can't just pick and choose your favourite definition of continuity... you must suffer through them all, because sometimes preimages just won't cut it.

31. Surround yourself with talented people. Sure, you'll suffer from feelings of mass inadequacy, but how else are you going to be better?

32. Just don't ever respond to your emails! You'll just be the eccentric unicorn in the department and people will have no expectations of you, so they'll be pleasantly surprised on the off chance that you ever do respond.

33. Persistence goes a long way.

34. You are infinitely more awesome in a good pair of heeled boots.

35. John Green is, surprisingly, usually right.

36. Campus is stunning at 4:00 AM.

37. Never leave an assignment question blank. Write something, even if it's nonsense. Sometimes your TAs are too hungover to care.

38. It is just as much about who you are as a person as it is about the numbers and title on your transcript.

39. Don't ever let yourself think that you are too good to start from the very bottom.

4o. Go to every single interview that you are offered, even if you think that the job and company are a joke.

41. Just because you wear a blazer and rent office space in a highrise building doesn't mean that you are a real company (ask me about this interview nightmare).

42. The Chinese Remainder Theorem is everywhere. EVERYWHERE.

43. And the Euclidean Algorithm... you can run, but you really can never escape the backwards Euclidean Algorithm.

44. If you can't teach, draw pictures. Lots of them. Preferably with coloured chalk.

45. You are no special unicorn.

46. Sweatpants are—you guessed it—still not okay!

47. Figure out your own standards for ethics instead of listening to someone else's.

48. Learn how to say no without giving excuses. It is always enough and you never need to justify your decisions to anyone but yourself.

49. Everything is really the same thing, except with more or less levels of generality.

5o. It is absolutely okay to be a quitter. Sometimes it's necessary for your sanity.

51. Just aim to be irreplacable.

52. At some point you will begin to feel lucky, even if you don't believe in luck. Never let yourself forget that moment.

Toronto. Ottawa. Markham. Waterloo. Halifax. Vancouver. London.

I am so proud to call you my friends—you successful, talented, driven people. We're no longer those kids who spent summer nights watching meteor showers, playing board games and philosophizing until 2 A.M. I will miss you this summer, but I am so happy to know that you are all out there chasing dreams and doing amazing, exciting things, and I cannot wait to hear all about your adventures when I see you again. God only knows when will be the next time that we will be in the same city at the same time, but I hope we will always be able to say hello.

So I wish you luck—

I hope you have the time of your lives. 

I will see you soon.