- F. Scott Fitzgerald
o1. maybe i'm happy to find out that i could be wrong about this. you are a contradiction and a mystery, and i wish i could have gotten to know you better. your quick wit was never lost on me. it's wonderful to think that maybe we have more time, after all. and even if our paths were to never cross on this Earth again, i expect to dance with you amongst angels Someday. FIBONACCI
o2. okay, i'll say it: i love the way you wonder. i like the way you ask questions; i admire that you are always searching for answers. i like the way that you never stop learning—you act like everyone around you has something to teach you, and that is what i admire about so deeply about you. i think you're bound for greatness. WEIERSTRASS
o3. i miss you. i also worry about you, but i've never known anyone braver. i'm lucky to have you in my life, even if only sometimes. i think about you watching sunrises out there, and it makes me smile. i will always be around, m'dear. CHURCHILL
o4. we know what everyone is saying, but we never say a word. once in a while you meet someone and everything clicks, and it's like you've known them all along. this is you and i. you make me laugh more than anyone does, and we philosophize like it's everything. nothing you say phases me, and i can't believe that we basically just met. now it feels like i don't know how i ever did without your laughter in my life; how i'll ever do without it again. CAUCHY-SCHWARZ
o5. they say that if a friendship lasts seven years, then it will last a lifetime. i sure hope they're right about us. we've seen it all. maybe that's why we are the best storytellers together. i love the way you love with all you have. i love how you are unafraid of adventure. TAYLOR SWIFT
o6. maybe it's the brilliance of the city or maybe it's just the fleeting wonder of our friendship, but wandering the city with you that night? it stayed with me. it feels like we can always pick up where we left off; like i could see us doing this in years' time, catching up on big dreams and priceless conversation. i don't know where life will take us, but i know that i will see you again. TORONTO
o7. all the talent in the world can't make up for a lacking personality. there is more to it than this. don't you ever forget that. DIRICHLET
o8. you may be younger, but i look up to you; you are an inspiration. you are stunningly talented and yet the sweetest thing. run with that ambition, and don't ever let anyone tell you otherwise. those big dreams are going to be take you so far in this crazy life. i expect to see your name in print one day. oh, and do note that you can wear pretty dresses and still be the most incredible scientist. LOVELACE
o9. i never understand anything you say, but it's okay. you are the oddest one, but with more than enough talent to make up for it. i've never met anyone who embodies the Renaissance scholar quite as perfectly as you do; the world is yours. i'm infinitely curious to know where you will end up. ERDOS
1o. we both wanted you to be a hero. and the truth is, you are lovely, but i can't wait forever for maybe. i can't plan my tomorrows around a possibility, and i can't fall in love with a beautiful idea—even if it's the safest way to fall. i will never say that we were a waste of time, but i will say that maybe all we were meant to be to each other is an infinitely beautiful idea. GUESSING
Sunday, 27 July 2014
Sunday, 25 May 2014
Prisoner's Prayer (The Lost)
"What city are we in?"
I dare to ask the boy whom I have never met,
whose posture is as straight as the loaded gun
that clinks—hard—against his skin,
which is darker than the desert night itself.
He walks in step with me, hard military boots echoing
against the barren Earth, so unlike the sound of my bare feet
being worn against the callous ground across the miles.
The fear of 235 of my sisters ricochets throughout the night,
and I realize for the first time that silence is strong enough to strangle,
and as forceful as the ropes wrapped around my wrists.
He turns to me, all ebony skin in sharp contrast against
the undeniable crimson imprinted on hands that are worn with scars.
Tawny eyes betray his startling youth, and a fire lit by human ashes.
They carry the hurt of the ages, a perfect mirror of this wasteland—
as well as a regret so fiercely hot that it almost burns through me.
A moment—his Commander's back is turned toward the horizon;
he snatches my hands and slices savagely, aimlessly in the dark.
The short knife slips against my wrist; my breath catches
as I feel my lifeblood begin to slip from my veins,
as freely as the Ouémé River running in the springtime—
drops stain the sand, finding their way back to Mother Earth.
His voice is a gunshot in the dark as he whispers in broken Arabic,
"Ukhayyatun,"—little sister—"you run, and never look back."
Strong hands shove me into the unknown. I am off, a firework
into the darkness, aligning myself with the land mapped onto my heart,
looking only to Circinus and the call of the antelope to guide my way.
As I flee into the Nigerian midnight, to safety—
leaving behind my sisters and our captors in the forsaken wilderness,
I let myself cry for the unnamed boy from the other side
whom I hope to never cross paths with again in this wretched life.
I send up a prayer to God for mercy upon his soul
as I realize that I am not the only one who needs to be saved.
I dare to ask the boy whom I have never met,
whose posture is as straight as the loaded gun
that clinks—hard—against his skin,
which is darker than the desert night itself.
He walks in step with me, hard military boots echoing
against the barren Earth, so unlike the sound of my bare feet
being worn against the callous ground across the miles.
The fear of 235 of my sisters ricochets throughout the night,
and I realize for the first time that silence is strong enough to strangle,
and as forceful as the ropes wrapped around my wrists.
He turns to me, all ebony skin in sharp contrast against
the undeniable crimson imprinted on hands that are worn with scars.
Tawny eyes betray his startling youth, and a fire lit by human ashes.
They carry the hurt of the ages, a perfect mirror of this wasteland—
as well as a regret so fiercely hot that it almost burns through me.
A moment—his Commander's back is turned toward the horizon;
he snatches my hands and slices savagely, aimlessly in the dark.
The short knife slips against my wrist; my breath catches
as I feel my lifeblood begin to slip from my veins,
as freely as the Ouémé River running in the springtime—
drops stain the sand, finding their way back to Mother Earth.
His voice is a gunshot in the dark as he whispers in broken Arabic,
"Ukhayyatun,"—little sister—"you run, and never look back."
Strong hands shove me into the unknown. I am off, a firework
into the darkness, aligning myself with the land mapped onto my heart,
looking only to Circinus and the call of the antelope to guide my way.
As I flee into the Nigerian midnight, to safety—
leaving behind my sisters and our captors in the forsaken wilderness,
I let myself cry for the unnamed boy from the other side
whom I hope to never cross paths with again in this wretched life.
I send up a prayer to God for mercy upon his soul
as I realize that I am not the only one who needs to be saved.
Thursday, 1 May 2014
Second Year Revelations
I go to school for mathematics, but second year has taught me about so much more. Here are the things that I learned, inside and outside of the lecture halls.
o1. People at university like meetings. They like holding meetings, talking about holding meetings, and talking during the meetings that they hold.
o2. Oh, and emails. People at university love emails.
o3. Sometimes your professors see the potential in you that you can't see in yourself, and for that I am grateful. I owe a world of thanks to the math professor who told me that my dreams are worth pursuing when I had convinced myself otherwise.
o4. Some of the classmates that I sit beside today are going to be great tomorrow. They are going to be mathematicians and doctors and teachers and physicists and leaders, and they are going to be amazing.
o5. Sometimes the most useful thing someone can do is not to give you any advice at all. Own your decisions, the resulting consequences and the gifts.
o6. It makes a world of difference if you do the readings and problem sets before class as opposed to after class.
o7. "If you think about it", you can come to any conclusion in the world. (This one's for you, Calculus 2502.)
o8. A sharp pencil makes all the difference.
o9. You don't have to be a genius to do math.
1o. If the problems that you're doing don't make you want to bang your head on the desk and scream and quit and cry, then you're not working on hard enough problems.
11. The people get stranger as you progress deeper into academia.
12. It's easy to forget about your own ability when you go to an incredible university and are constantly surrounded by so much talent, but never forget why you are here in the first place.
13. Sometimes you have to say no to people. That's okay.
14. University is just a big game as to who can be the most overcaffeinated, underslept, stressed and still make it on top.
15. Being ahead of the game is the best feeling in the entire world.
16. Your health really does come first. I learned this the really, really hard way. Don't do that.
17. Well-lit study space is the ultimate commodity.
18. Waking up fifteen minutes early in the morning can change your entire day for the better.
19. Never underestimate the incredible power of the perfect little skirt.
2o. Sweatpants are still not okay.
21. Everyone always needs a stapler, and no one ever has one.
22. It's about the experience. You're missing out if you don't have a sleepless night once in a while.
23. Context is everything.
24. You never see the whole story. The people who appear to be the most put-together are often those who are the most stressed out.
25. You don't always have to talk. Sometimes silence speaks louder.
26. The hardest decision is to take the high road, but it is one that you will never regret.
27. Wikipedia is an incredible math resource when you have the knowledge to comprehend what it says. Otherwise, it's just a bunch of nonsensical strung-together symbols and accurate yet ridiculously convoluted proofs.
28. If there exists a textbook, there exist solutions somewhere.
29. Cute cats make every PowerPoint presentation instantly better, no matter what the topic!
30. Everything in the entire world can be reduced to systems of linear equations if you try hard enough.
31. Being kind to perfect strangers will take you far in life.
32. You can only eat so much pizza before you have to start eating real food.
33. Stop substituting infinity into equations; nothing good ever comes out of it.
34. Punctuality is impressive, but it shouldn't have to be. We live in a culture that makes it okay to be late as long as you let someone know, but really, you still wasted fifteen minutes of someone else's life.
35. No one ever thinks "Oh, I wish I'd spent more time on Facebook." Ever.
36. The most important trait for success in math is not mental arithmetic, hard work or even talent; it's creativity (and sometimes a little bit of luck).
37. It isn't until you get deeper into school that you realize how vast the world is, how limited the scope of human knowledge is, and just how much you still have to learn. But the moment that you make that realization is quite enlightening.
38. You are more certain of your path at fifteen (fueled by blind confidence) than you are at twenty (fueled by the revelation of your own ignorance).
39. Some professors will teach you about math. Some will teach you about so much more.
4o. When in doubt, proof by induction. Also, thanks to one Discrete Structures professor, I will never again write, "Let P(n) be true."
41. The really cool thing about math is how you can take two seemingly unrelated concepts and come up with a beautiful relationship between them.
42. Real life would be simpler if we worked exclusively over the field of complex numbers. (Because then your characteristic polynomial would always split!)
43. Everyone here has something to teach you. Whether or not they're fun to talk to—well, that's a different story.
44. It is still only, ever, all about the chase.
45. It turns out that you can't just change the question to suit your needs, you actually have to answer the question.
46. Never underestimate the power of a well-placed "if and only if" statement.
47. There are all sorts of infinities (thanks, Real Analysis), but finiteness is just as essential, for humanity is finite.
48. Sometimes it's simply figuring out the right questions to ask. Everything else will fall into place.
o1. People at university like meetings. They like holding meetings, talking about holding meetings, and talking during the meetings that they hold.
o2. Oh, and emails. People at university love emails.
o3. Sometimes your professors see the potential in you that you can't see in yourself, and for that I am grateful. I owe a world of thanks to the math professor who told me that my dreams are worth pursuing when I had convinced myself otherwise.
o4. Some of the classmates that I sit beside today are going to be great tomorrow. They are going to be mathematicians and doctors and teachers and physicists and leaders, and they are going to be amazing.
o5. Sometimes the most useful thing someone can do is not to give you any advice at all. Own your decisions, the resulting consequences and the gifts.
o6. It makes a world of difference if you do the readings and problem sets before class as opposed to after class.
o7. "If you think about it", you can come to any conclusion in the world. (This one's for you, Calculus 2502.)
o8. A sharp pencil makes all the difference.
o9. You don't have to be a genius to do math.
1o. If the problems that you're doing don't make you want to bang your head on the desk and scream and quit and cry, then you're not working on hard enough problems.
11. The people get stranger as you progress deeper into academia.
12. It's easy to forget about your own ability when you go to an incredible university and are constantly surrounded by so much talent, but never forget why you are here in the first place.
13. Sometimes you have to say no to people. That's okay.
14. University is just a big game as to who can be the most overcaffeinated, underslept, stressed and still make it on top.
15. Being ahead of the game is the best feeling in the entire world.
16. Your health really does come first. I learned this the really, really hard way. Don't do that.
17. Well-lit study space is the ultimate commodity.
18. Waking up fifteen minutes early in the morning can change your entire day for the better.
19. Never underestimate the incredible power of the perfect little skirt.
2o. Sweatpants are still not okay.
21. Everyone always needs a stapler, and no one ever has one.
22. It's about the experience. You're missing out if you don't have a sleepless night once in a while.
23. Context is everything.
24. You never see the whole story. The people who appear to be the most put-together are often those who are the most stressed out.
25. You don't always have to talk. Sometimes silence speaks louder.
26. The hardest decision is to take the high road, but it is one that you will never regret.
27. Wikipedia is an incredible math resource when you have the knowledge to comprehend what it says. Otherwise, it's just a bunch of nonsensical strung-together symbols and accurate yet ridiculously convoluted proofs.
28. If there exists a textbook, there exist solutions somewhere.
29. Cute cats make every PowerPoint presentation instantly better, no matter what the topic!
30. Everything in the entire world can be reduced to systems of linear equations if you try hard enough.
31. Being kind to perfect strangers will take you far in life.
32. You can only eat so much pizza before you have to start eating real food.
33. Stop substituting infinity into equations; nothing good ever comes out of it.
34. Punctuality is impressive, but it shouldn't have to be. We live in a culture that makes it okay to be late as long as you let someone know, but really, you still wasted fifteen minutes of someone else's life.
35. No one ever thinks "Oh, I wish I'd spent more time on Facebook." Ever.
36. The most important trait for success in math is not mental arithmetic, hard work or even talent; it's creativity (and sometimes a little bit of luck).
37. It isn't until you get deeper into school that you realize how vast the world is, how limited the scope of human knowledge is, and just how much you still have to learn. But the moment that you make that realization is quite enlightening.
38. You are more certain of your path at fifteen (fueled by blind confidence) than you are at twenty (fueled by the revelation of your own ignorance).
39. Some professors will teach you about math. Some will teach you about so much more.
4o. When in doubt, proof by induction. Also, thanks to one Discrete Structures professor, I will never again write, "Let P(n) be true."
41. The really cool thing about math is how you can take two seemingly unrelated concepts and come up with a beautiful relationship between them.
42. Real life would be simpler if we worked exclusively over the field of complex numbers. (Because then your characteristic polynomial would always split!)
43. Everyone here has something to teach you. Whether or not they're fun to talk to—well, that's a different story.
44. It is still only, ever, all about the chase.
45. It turns out that you can't just change the question to suit your needs, you actually have to answer the question.
46. Never underestimate the power of a well-placed "if and only if" statement.
47. There are all sorts of infinities (thanks, Real Analysis), but finiteness is just as essential, for humanity is finite.
48. Sometimes it's simply figuring out the right questions to ask. Everything else will fall into place.
Tuesday, 15 April 2014
an infinite war
I've been reconsidering this whole God thing lately.
These past six months have shaken my faith.
But I heard "Oceans" today, and I heard this stunning song,
and I could hear your heart calling—
how timely, considering that Easter is coming up.
I'm still not sure of this life.
I'm still furious, and I still want answers.
But I want this Love more than ever.
This truth haunts me; it won't let me go.
And I find that maybe not all is lost.
I find that maybe I have never been more sure of anything in my life.
And I find that perhaps I am not too lost for you to find.
Maybe I am never too lost for you to find.
Monday, 14 April 2014
Four Letter Words
"Hope is our four letter word,"
- OneRepublic, "Counting Stars"
Hope is fertile. It keeps humanity going; it enables us to reach for new heights. But hope is also dangerous—and in that sense, it is powerful beyond measure. Hope can heal; hope can bring joy; hope can spark miracles. Hope can save lives; no one would deny its positive impact. But hope is also terrifying. Hope is powerful, and that alone is enough reason to fear it. Many people fear to pin their hopes too high because they are too familiar with dashed dreams and the disappointment that comes with misplaced hope. I know this—for the One Thing that I placed my faith in has been shaken to the core these past few months. So maybe it's not so crazy to consider hope a "four letter word."
But there is tomorrow. And there is progress. There is someone searching out there; demanding answers to humanity's cruelest mysteries. And as long as we are seeking, there is hope; alive and well. This universe is full of infinite secrets, miracles and revelations, and sooner or later, they will be ours. Hope belongs to those who look for answers—those that are just beyond our current comprehension, and also those that are ten years' worth of work away. But humanity is motivated by necessity as well as curiosity, and that is a combination to be reckoned with. The researchers, scientists and wonderers of our generation are constantly building on thousands of years of truth-seeking to continue finding answers (we're standing on the shoulders of giants, remember?), and so as long as there is darkness, there is hope. Maybe it's all we have, really. But it keeps us together; hanging on. Hope keeps us waiting; breathless—searching and seeking.
Hope makes this life worth living.
Tuesday, 8 April 2014
The Haiku Series, Vol. 5
I don't write haikus for people. Be my exception.
A. Stardust Waiting
two souls, patiently
sitting side by side, holding
wild hope in their hands (hearts)
J. 271828
blue eyes stare me down
wordless; across the crowded room
could we be so lucky?
R. Like Kindergarten
numbers + logic + laughter
and like lightning, we have found
friendship unbreakable
L. Wanderlust
the wit of the ages
and wisdom of one much older
yet a heart so very young
A. Stardust Waiting
two souls, patiently
sitting side by side, holding
wild hope in their hands (hearts)
J. 271828
blue eyes stare me down
wordless; across the crowded room
could we be so lucky?
R. Like Kindergarten
numbers + logic + laughter
and like lightning, we have found
friendship unbreakable
L. Wanderlust
the wit of the ages
and wisdom of one much older
yet a heart so very young
Wednesday, 26 March 2014
A Little Bit WISEr: National Conference 2014
"If you're the smartest person in the room, you're in the wrong room."
- Richard Tirendi
I was lucky enough to spend this past weekend in Toronto as a delegate at the WISE
National Conference run by the Women in Science and Engineering chapter at U of
T. I
had no idea what to expect, but waking up at 5:30 to catch the early bus into
the city was definitely worth it, and the learning started early. First lesson: you can take every wrong turn
and still make it to your destination. It's a good thing that strangers in Toronto are friendly! I convinced
myself that I would get there early and have breakfast in a cute little café,
but I wound up lost and at McDonald’s. Second lesson: Even when the entire city is
different, McDonald’s is exactly the same. IT WILL NEVER FAIL YOU! (unlike, say, your Analysis T.A..)
In 36 hours, I met more female engineers, scientists and mathematicians than I have ever met in my entire life (yes, cumulatively). The one thing that they all had in common was their ambition: every single woman I met this weekend was doing something
incredible, and each had a story to tell. You could turn to anyone and be struck by their talent. It was a throwback to a simpler time when it was perfectly alright to strike up conversation with a stranger; in fact, conversing with strangers was encouraged.
We heard from Kathy Lee, the CEO of General Electric. She
told us about risk and reward, and demonstrated to us that you can be graceful,
feminine, self-aware and absolutely at the top of your game, career-wise. I can
only hope to be nearly as poised in twenty years. What I took away from her
talk: you really can have it all if you’re willing to work for it. Don’t
sacrifice and don’t settle for anything.
Ernestine Fu is the youngest venture capitalist in Silicon Valley, and a PhD student—barely older than I am, yet much more accomplished.
I was excited to hear her speak based upon her insane credentials, yet surprisingly, the most striking thing that I learned from her talk was not on self-driving cars or 3D printing, but rather, how absolutely human we all are; she wasn’t the robotic, flawless computer that I
had envisioned in my head—she was real, and she was so, so much more than her resumé.
But then again, aren’t we all? Sometimes we forget that so easily.
Swati was the mirror image of every girl in the room that day—multi-talented
and uncertain what to do with that gift when she was our age. The creator of a little technological
beauty called Square (Google it if you must!), she changed her mind many
times. As someone who is still struggling to choose her program for next year,
this resonated with me. She told us to throw out our five-year plans and to
simply see where life takes us next. For a room full of 150 ambitious women
with type-A personalities, this was the ultimate challenge to us all.
The final—and my favourite—keynote came from a speaker who I
was completely oblivious toward prior to her actually standing in front
of me. Angie King is an Operations PhD candidate at MIT, and also everything that I want to be. I didn’t realize
how excited I would be for her talk until her Pi-themed PowerPoint ("Impactful
Data: Or How I Fell In Love with Math”) was actually staring me in the face.
Listening to her describe her undergraduate experience as a female math major
was like listening to someone narrate my life today, and much more articulately
than I ever could. She emphasized her lack of female STEM professors and role models (her grand total? Zero!), and it
made me realize how lucky I am to have been taught by not only one,
but two female mathematicians—a statistical
improbability.
Angie commented on the odd experience of being one of the
only girls in a higher math class and the contrast with non-STEM
fields. My pure math classes at Western are typically 25% female (hello,
Intermediate Linear Algebra II!), and though I’ve gotten used to often being the
only girl in the room in Middlesex College, I didn’t truly realize what kind of camaderie and community I have been missing out on before
being surrounded by female STEM majors this weekend.
Angie also spoke on a curious note that has been nagging at
me all year—being “the worst of the best”, struggling with impostor syndrome and
feeling like a fraud amongst her talented classmates. This year I have had the
experience of sitting down amongst some incredibly talented mathematicians and
feeling so inferior—sometimes math is
humbling as hell. This year I was tempted to switch programs into something
where I wouldn’t have to try so hard, but math is one of the (admittedly few) things that I am willing to put aside my pride for. Angie's talk will stay with me forever— it turns out that you can be sociable, well-spoken, feminine and a brilliant mathematician; who knew?
I am so, so glad that I went to WISE. It was amazing to (for
the very first time in my life) be surrounded by ladies who could talk about multivariable
calculus and commiserate over eigenvectors and subspaces (that never happens!). I didn’t know
what I was missing out on until I spent time in a room full of some of the
brightest female engineers, mathematicians and scientists, and it was both
humbling and motivating to be considered amongst their ranks.
Every single woman I met this weekend turned around and surprised me with her talent and ambition. For me, WISE reaffirmed the need for women in STEM fields to support and encourage each other, as well as the necessity for us to pass down the torch and mentor each other whenever possible—because we each have so much to learn, yet also so much to share and teach each other.
Every single woman I met this weekend turned around and surprised me with her talent and ambition. For me, WISE reaffirmed the need for women in STEM fields to support and encourage each other, as well as the necessity for us to pass down the torch and mentor each other whenever possible—because we each have so much to learn, yet also so much to share and teach each other.
I left the Li Ka Shing Knowledge Institute this weekend feeling humbled, inspired, and maybe a lot wiser than I was 36 hours ago. So here's a little math for you:
36 hours * 150 female scientists/engineers/mathematicians *
200 kilometers * 9 talented keynotes = 1 life-changing conference
Taking a chance on WISE was the best decision that I have made so far this year—if you can
make the choice to go next year, do it.
I dare you.
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