for the first time in forever

                                                      "It's been so long since I have met you here; 

                                               since I have heard You speak and let You near..."

                                                                     - Starfield, "Alive in This Moment"

I can't name the moment in which everything changed. But driving home tonight, I realized that now I know the answer to the question that has been on my heart recently. 

In today's sermon and study we were asked to consider what risks God has been asking us to take in our lives; what changes we need to make that required taking that leap of faith.

This, tonight, was mine.

It has been a hell of a year. But now I know that despite all my doubts, You never left. And finally I am home, and I find that maybe home is not where I expect, but instead that I am only ever home in You. Now I know that You have brought me (us) here for all the right reasons; of this I am unmistakably certain.

So in this moment, I know that this is where I belong. 

Where You Will Find Me

Tonight, my thoughts are in a crowded room
with strangers whom I will never meet (in this universe)
Amongst a cacophony of bright chandelier lights
and conversations the darkest shade of royal blue  

Tonight, my thoughts are with the pretty eyes
that were locked on you from the very first day
I can read her mind from 3549 miles away
and I only wish that I were more wrong

Tonight, my thoughts are in a different timezone
five hours away, but seeming closer to a lifetime
Sleepy heartbeats tick with the midnight clock
You promised to never make me wait

Tonight, my thoughts are with you (of course)
spinning around in a ballroom of like minds
enchanted in a place an infinite order from home—
if you believe that home is where the heart is

Tonight, my thoughts are galaxies away in the past:
four months ago, to the time when we stood together
on the holy ground of a crowded airport tea shop and
you kissed me good-bye for another four months' time

Tonight, my thoughts are with tomorrow
Perpetually at home in the hopeful airport terminal
waiting until the day that letters, missed calls and
heartbeats align in Euclidean space and infinite time

i need a metric (space)

“If you aren't in over your head, how do you know how tall you are?”

                                                         - T.S. Eliot

Well, I'm about to find out for the first time. I am absolutely,
positively, most definitely in way over my head.
But I always did like a good challenge, and I can't quit now.
I guess I'll just have to learn a little faster.
We all stand a little taller on the shoulders of giants.

a million questions

i want to be the kind of girl who wears red lipstick.
i want to be the kind of girl who can do math and tell stories.
i want to be the kind of girl who wears cute socks and polka dotted tights.
i want to be the kind of girl who writes in coffee shops.
i want to be the kind of girl who drinks black coffee.
i want to be the kind of girl who plays guitar.
i want to be the kind of girl who can code.
i want to be the kind of girl who reads both great literature and yellow books.
i want to be the kind of girl who will fight to see the morning skyline.
i want to be the kind of girl who wears skirts and dresses, even in the winter.
i want to be the kind of girl who dances in storms without caring about wet hair.
i want to be a scholar of the Renaissance.
i want to be the kind of girl who believes in imperfect people doing amazing work.
i want to be the kind of girl who sees beauty in the broken and the best of humanity.
i want to be the kind of girl who loves God and life and living.
i am just a perfectly flawed girl.