Eve

I don't want 2012. I said I did, but I don't.
I want October 2011 back, when all the pieces in my life came together after months of it being in the worst state of disaster ever.
I want that forever.

A Letter of Intent

Dear Blogspot world,

I, Helen Ngo, will not be going to prom 2012.
That is final, and that is all.

Love,
helen

Hope

At this point last year, I was on the brink of something
With someone. The door that opened for us,
Would be the same one that separated us.
We tried to delay the inevitable,
But who are we to try to change the plan of the universe?
It caught up to us anyway.

The winter months were marked by the winter that dominated me.
Long nights, longer days that tested strength at every point.
The times that the one who had promised wasn't there,
and the times that the others were; the times He was.
How scared everyone was; how scared I was.
All the secrets that would eventually unravel themselves,
the truths that we kept hidden until they could not hurt anyone.
And the night I met an old friend for the first time,
making me see the world in a different light.

Spring brought distractions; renewal.
Pretty things that caught my eye, distracting me from the matter at hand.
To the point where I forgot. Thank you.
The way one made me brave, made me believe
And taught me that there is a better way.
It seems that spring was cloaked in perpetual rain,
Yet it was somehow beautiful.

Summer taught me independence.
I disappeared for a while,
but I didn't miss out on anything, as strange as it may seem.
It was everything I needed.
It brought my biggest regret.
If I had the chance, I would have done it differently.
I knew it was wrong from day one. We both did.
But summer also taught me my greatest lesson:
to set my heart on something bigger than a fleeting world.

Autumn defined change in every facet.
I found myself set free from something that had kept me captive.
A ghost from my past walked right back into my present.
I am thankful, for few people know me as well as this.
And only in autumn did the frost on my heart melt,
introducing to me the one in my life that is teaching me second chances,
when that one thing that brought nothing but pain before.
The mirror of myself that reached past my defenses,
Bringing me hope for such an elusive gift.

This winter is different from the last in every way possible.
It is not cold in the same way.
For the first time, I feel safe; it is not hanging in the balance anymore.
I know that all the pieces have fallen into place.
And though they may become rearranged in the future,
In this moment they are exactly where they are meant to be.

I never did anticipate that this year would change everything forever.
There are some things you just can't account for.
I do not know what the future brings,
But we do not need to discover all the mysteries of the universe.
If I were to be honest, perhaps I'd admit that I'm a little afraid.
But it's not about fear, is it?
It's about fearless.

Ordinary Day

     She watches the world carefully through the transparent box of a bus shelter. The rain washes over the pavement and the streets are full of people rushing to some place or another, the city sounds blending into a distant background hum. ‘It has been the longest day,’ she reflects. It was the same routine day after day: stay up late to do homework, wake up early to face the day, attempt to find amusement in the unamusing and do it all over again later. It was like living a song on repeat. Strangers avoiding the rain duck into the shelter, crowding her into a corner. She gazes with them, waiting; watching.

     The raindrops start to fall harder, torrential sheets coming down from the pointed roof of the little box. She is transfixed by the display momentarily, watching the raindrops find their way to the ground from somewhere so high up. Winter inhabits the universe from December onwards, bringing the snow and cold. ‘Today is different,’ she realizes. She had not seen a rainstorm in many months.

     The music from her iPod skips suddenly to a Taylor Swift song. There’s something ‘bout the way the street looks when it’s just rained. She can’t help but want to smile as she realizes just how strange it is. As the sun peeks out from behind a storm cloud, she looks off into the distance, realizing just how long it had been since she has seen the streets this way. Everything glows. The skyscrapers seem to radiate back warmth and familiarity as they rise up to meet the sunshine fighting to illuminate the world. The day is no longer ordinary, no longer routine, and she finds herself unable to place why. All she knows is that in a few moments of glimpsing the familiar, everything has changed.